In Defence of Married at First Sight

I was recently in New Zealand, and where I was staying had limited television channels available. I would start my day with Al Jazeera news and end it on one of New Zealand’s commercial stations. On my second night, at 8 p.m., I found myself watching Married at First Sight, which was on TV3.

Watching television is something of a comfort to me — it always has been. I love waking up and putting the news on, and I so enjoy programs that make me feel good. Over the past few years, I admit my viewing has been limited to the likes of Call the Midwife and Father Brown — to me, these are well-made shows that leave you feeling as though you are part of a better world.

Years ago, I did spend time watching Married at First Sight, but I eventually began to feel emotionally drained. So to find myself wanting to make sure I was back in my hotel room by 8 o’clock was a shock. It only took one episode to have me captivated. I applaud the editors — you can tell it’s designed to hold you in suspense until the next episode.

Married at First Sight has received a lot of public critique and professional criticism.Is it right that a show of this type is even allowed to take place?

It’s described as a human experiment, and it naturally poses risk — risk to the participants and risk to the audience. But unlike conventional experiments or trials, full and insightful reports are not released. There’s no true peer review, and results are always inconclusive. What truly happens when the show is over? How do the coming months or years pan out?

But couldn’t this also be said of all partnerships or marriages? Aren’t most marriages — and then families — experiments of their own? And where are their cameras?

How many of us have once thought, “If only that person’s behaviour was being filmed — they should be forced to sit and watch it themselves”?

This is why I can’t help but feel the show deserves greater respect.

So many people are abused without ever recognising it as abuse. So many sit at dinner tables and are yelled at. So many witness explosive anger — walls punched, things broken. So many are talked down to, undermined, insulted, manipulated, and gaslit. It happens to men and women, children, teenagers, parents, siblings, the elderly — it can happen to anyone.

And it is wrong. It is wrong.

Yet how many people have therapists who hold them accountable?

It’s the expert insights — the guidance of the professionals — that make this show so important. What if one young person or spouse has never before considered that they are being treated in a “toxic” way?

So many lives are lived in secret. Biologically, we know not to share certain things. What happens at home often stays at home. And so often, home is not a safe place — we feel it in our bodies. It’s a primal instinct to protect ourselves. We sense, instinctively, that sharing certain truths could threaten the family. And so we stay silent.

So here is my question:Might Married at First Sight not only better lives — but save lives?

Can it not serve as public education?

When things are witnessed and questioned, there is potential for great outcomes. People can change — and if it won’t be “them,” it can be “us” who change.

Perhaps a history of family abuse will end with a thirteen-year-old who, at their young age, begins to understand that what they’ve been witnessing is abuse. Perhaps a sixteen-year-old will begin to take responsibility for their words. Perhaps a forty-year-old will leave their partner. Perhaps a couple will finally prioritise their private time together — and begin to have better sex.

The potential for health and healing is abundant.

And that is why I see this show as needed — if not necessary.